Memo from Snoozeman

Dear Analysts,

As part of a cost cutting exercise taking place throughout the firm we are instituting the following rules:

1. ALL lunches must not expensed, even if they are eaten at your desk. This means no tea, no coffee, no juice, no bagels, no sandwiches, no chips and no pizza
2. Dinners purchased before 8 pm can not be expensed. My diligent assistant will be checking the time stamps on every receipt.
   
3. Only soft drinks purchased as part of a combo that results in the reduction of the overall cost of the meal can be expensed.
4. Lights will go out after 7pm. Permission to increase brightness on one's computer is granted within reason.
5. Taxis can no longer be expensed for anyone associate and below. Please make use of other modes of transportation to return home or feel free to sleep beneath your desks. A daily charge of $12.95 per night will be implemented shortly for this service.
6. A swear jar will now be installed at the reception of each group. Last week's pilot sample from Army Boy's desk was more profitable than the fees generated from Sponsor Coverage for the entire year.

Oh, and there will be layoffs.

Sincerely,

Snoozeman