Sponsor Coverage

TELEMARKETERS IN NICER SUITS

This group passes their time harassing sponsors[1] all day. It is common knowledge that they probably don't know much about finance. They justify their salaries by ‘bringing in deals’ which would probably exist without them. The rest of the Institution is not sure what else they do; most of the directors are rumored to spend their days on the phone sorting through personal affairs and their wives' incessant demands.

Sponsor group associates are often likened to insurance salesmen, which is essentially what they are; slick, clueless and with the ability to sell anything.

Sponsor coverage makes any conference call all the more painful. They spend the first 20 minutes blatantly sucking up to the client, marking their territory and reminding everyone what a good job they’ve done at prostituting themselves for business.

Once they are done with that song and dance, they try to insert themselves throughout the conversation by throwing around industry buzz words and finance terms they have no comprehension of, just so they can stay a part of the process and avoid being disintermediated.

[1] A Sponsor is a private equity firm that uses raised funds to acquire companies. They typically use an investment bank to provide them with debt for the transaction. The Investment bank usually forces them to use the M&A group for advisory services as well.