How fortunate for leaders that men do not think. - Adolf Hitler
Lets review the different types of MDs shall we?
I. The Workaholic
Workaholic directors are best known for their prematurely receeding hairlines, blackberry usage during sex, communication with children via power point and phrases like 'Answer me NOW". Obsessed with ‘wheeling and dealing’[1], they are prone to hissy fits as they see fit. Their claim to fame is that there will never be more than a two hour interval between any of their emails (especially between the hours of 1am – 8am). Note that this holds true during family deaths, labor pains and plastic surgeries. Move over Pfizer, they are patenting their own form of Viagra, otherwise known as conference calls, lender meetings and deal fees. They also love to publicly flay ‘floater MDs’ (be patient...you will read all about them shortly) for not doing their jobs.
II. The Ken Doll
Personification of the phrase "Image is Everything." Bred and groomed for a life of luxury and golf games from birth, they provide the Hollywood image of the prototype banker. Two ex-wives minimum required for promotion. Extra stock options to be received upon the third. Designer clothing and expensive cars are a must, cufflinks must weigh more than a dirty diaper. They have ‘paid their dues’ and now are ‘riding the wave’. Posse of analysts are constantly scrambling to accommodate analyses they always seem to need but never seem to use.
III. The Hobo Genius
The absent minded professor comes to mind – extremely intelligent, but warped in their own sense of reality, work has become salvation for these guys, a place where they can escape the norms imposed by society, feel free to be themselves and let their eccentricities reign supreme. Always disheveled, hair flailing in every direction, shirts untucked and sanitary paper stuck to the bottom of their shoes, the Hobo Genius has no use for the superficialities of the banking world and enjoy the fact that working around the clock provides them with a very good excuse for avoiding people and social settings. When interactions can no longer be avoided, the Hobo Genius becomes unduly stressed, fidgeting and itching themselves uncontrollably, while in the presence of clients.
IV. The Floater
Always spotted on various coffee breaks…in elevators, chatting with everyone…squeaky clean image AND brain. Once in a while, the floater MD will be worried that his prolonged absences are being noticed, so he will type out the periodic email to remind people he still works there; he will copy and paste an email about something going on in the market, often without having read it first, to prove he is still on top of things and to get credit for being at the office for a change. Floater MDs travel anytime they can to waste entire days outside the office, and avoid awkward encounters with their superiors. They have also discovered the benefits of frequent flyer points, which they use for their countless family vacations.
Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you're finished.
“Please call me.”
Statement well utilized by all seniors. Dialling numbers will not be done by them
II. The Ken Doll
Personification of the phrase "Image is Everything." Bred and groomed for a life of luxury and golf games from birth, they provide the Hollywood image of the prototype banker. Two ex-wives minimum required for promotion. Extra stock options to be received upon the third. Designer clothing and expensive cars are a must, cufflinks must weigh more than a dirty diaper. They have ‘paid their dues’ and now are ‘riding the wave’. Posse of analysts are constantly scrambling to accommodate analyses they always seem to need but never seem to use.
III. The Hobo Genius
The absent minded professor comes to mind – extremely intelligent, but warped in their own sense of reality, work has become salvation for these guys, a place where they can escape the norms imposed by society, feel free to be themselves and let their eccentricities reign supreme. Always disheveled, hair flailing in every direction, shirts untucked and sanitary paper stuck to the bottom of their shoes, the Hobo Genius has no use for the superficialities of the banking world and enjoy the fact that working around the clock provides them with a very good excuse for avoiding people and social settings. When interactions can no longer be avoided, the Hobo Genius becomes unduly stressed, fidgeting and itching themselves uncontrollably, while in the presence of clients.
IV. The Floater
Always spotted on various coffee breaks…in elevators, chatting with everyone…squeaky clean image AND brain. Once in a while, the floater MD will be worried that his prolonged absences are being noticed, so he will type out the periodic email to remind people he still works there; he will copy and paste an email about something going on in the market, often without having read it first, to prove he is still on top of things and to get credit for being at the office for a change. Floater MDs travel anytime they can to waste entire days outside the office, and avoid awkward encounters with their superiors. They have also discovered the benefits of frequent flyer points, which they use for their countless family vacations.
Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you're finished.
“Please call me.”
Statement well utilized by all seniors. Dialling numbers will not be done by them
[1] Refers to actions taken by the banker to attract business. Includes sucking up, ass kissing, brown nosing etc.
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