Freak Speak

All-nighters: Back in university, you pulled all nighters before major tests, exams, papers, etc. You procrastinated all year...its inevitable. Back then an all-nighter meant you and your friends in the library cramming some info, writing a two hour exam and then going home to sleep for the next two days and partying for the next two summer months. Today, an all-nighter could mean any number of things; it could mean it’s Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday. And almost too often one good all-nighter is then always followed by another.

Answer me now: Term used by all Workoholic MDs when email response time is not short enough. Expect these to be peppered in your inbox while you anxiously type out a response to his vague questions at 1 am.

Bandwidth: see Capacity.

Beat up: This is when all the bankers get together to rip apart an analyst's work in front of him.

Capacity: Literally, this term is used by an Associate to see if his Analyst has time to complete another set of tasks. In reality, the term used by Associates to gauge the attitude of their analyst. The response an analyst provides will not affect the amount of work they are ultimately given. The associate is just trying to test the analyst`s attitude and efficiency.

Deck: Term used to describe a presentation. No logic behind it but bankers feel great saying it.

Do the math for me: Crunch the numbers quickly while I stare you into the ground...I will think its wrong no matter what

Fine.: I am angry and I have the argument skills of a 4 year old at a candy store.

Fire drill: The two words in the English language that ensure that sleep will evade you in the next 24 hours. The phrase itself shows the bankers warped sense of the real world. If you asked a banker which scenario causes them more stress between a 'bank fire drill' and a real fire the answer will disturb you.

Goose it - make it bigger/longer/larger even if its not right, just get it there. Client needs to be happy.

Jamming: Irritating way of saying you are working to get something done. Enough to inspire all the Lorena B's of the world. -Are you making it to my Birthday dinner? Can't sorry, jamming away.

K: Okay

Punting: Passing the buck, deflecting work, analyst dumping

Ph: Please handle. Abbreviation used at the top of an email chain by MD to alert Analyst of the long process of passing the buck that ends with him.

Page Flip: Where each page in a presentation is analyzed to death. An excruciating process involving the entire deal team, the clients etc..basically every Joe Schmoe involved with the deal. two words: Conference call.

Pls prt: Please Print. Sent to assistants and analysts at least six times an hour even though the MD sits beside the printer

Stop that.: I feel I am losing control and I don’t like it

Thx: Thanks. not really.

Under the bus: Demoralize and weaken your own team/potential future enemy from within by surprise, terror, sabotage, assassination. This is the war of the nerds, where the most harmful weapon is a strongly worded email, with a large distribution list, where all caution is thrown to the wind and fuck is spelled with not one but two ++. Enough to scare anyone, wouldn’t you think?

Whacked: Fired. Not because you havent done anything in the last two years. But because someone else doesnt want to be fired first.

"What do you make of...": I have already formed my opinion and want to trick you into thinking I care about yours but secretly I just like to see you squirm.